Happy Grateful

Today at work I had an aha moment that both hurt me and made me smile.  A girl came in.  She was wearing this adorable winter hat with earmuffs and was probably in her mid teens.  She was with a middle aged woman and as they came in, I noticed the younger girl's smile.  She came abruptly up to the counter and proceeded to pour out a dollar bill and a bunch of change.  I was busy helping some other people, but I heard some of the conversation.  She was counting the money out loud and looking at the menu board.  She had $2.36.  She was trying to explain to the older woman how much money they had and the older woman kept saying she wanted a hamburger and a fry.  The young girl (I found out later her name was Christina) told the woman (I don't know if it was her mother or grandmother, but I assumed it was her guardian whichever) that they couldn't afford that.  She kept asking me how much something would cost.  I told her I had country chicken sandwiches on special and they would be able to afford 2 of those, but the older lady kept saying how she didn't want a chicken sandwich; she wanted a hamburger and fries.  My first thought was how ungrateful this woman was and Christina was ever patient trying to get something that would make her happy.  Looking back on the whole exchange, I wish I would have just given it to them, on a coupon which they didn't have, and taken the loss, but I didn't.  Finally Christina ordered a country chicken sandwich and paid for it.  She then counted out the rest of the money and I pitched in 12 cents so she could afford to buy the older woman a hamburger.  She smiled even bigger and told me I was nice.  As they went to sit down, Christina's smile never faltered.  After they had eaten, she came up to get courtesy cones and then merrily wished me a good night and walked out the door, smile in place.  I turned to Morgan, the girl I was working with, and told her that Christina probably had a really hard life.  She said that she noticed too, how grown up Christina was acting and how she was obviously the "grown up" in the relationship and how sad it was that kids had to be adults so early in life.  The whole scenario really hurt me emotionally.  I wonder what she has to go home to, if she has a home to go home to.  I was awed and amazed by her attitude.  She had $2.36 to her name, and came into Arctic Circle for a nice dinner out.  She was so happy and cheerful about everything and a part of me envied her.  I have money in the bank, a nice place to come home to, a wonderful family, amazing friends, and everything I need and I'm not that cheerful.  It was definitely eye opening and I told Morgan that I was a horrible ungrateful person.  If I learned nothing else from Christina, it is that I am so enormously blessed and I need to do more to help others.  I had money in my back pocket that I had pulled out of the bank for a pedicure.  I wish I had given it to her.  I wish I had been less annoyed by her insistent questions about how much things cost.  I wish I could change the fate of that poor little girl, who never got the chance (I imagine from the exchange) to be little.  Today I weep a little for that poor little girl, and vow to be a little more grateful and a lot more cheerful.

Merry Christmas

The Christmas Spirit

The older and busier I get, the harder I search for ways to feel the Christmas Spirit and the more abundantly I fail.  This year has been no exception.  I always try to find ways to keep traditions alive and motivate myself to remember what Christmas is all about and more and more I feel like I'm not getting it somehow.  This year, I am frustrated by the fact that Christmas is on Sunday for several reasons.  One is that I won't get my extra day off work, because we're already closed on Sundays.  The other one is trying to put a brief Sacrament meeting in the middle of commercial merriment has me twitching.  I know that Jesus is the point.  I know that we are celebrating Him and what better way to do so than partaking of His sacrament and remembering Him through song and word.  On the other hand though, I struggle with not being able to go to my Sacrament meeting and my parents (one of my favorite traditions) because they are at the same time, and I really want to enjoy Christmas breakfast without having to get dressed up and run off to 45 minutes of church.  I AM A WHINER!!!  Today in Sunday school we had a brief Christmas program that started me off thinking how ungrateful I am and then an afternoon filled with remembrances as I sat alone in my apartment watching Mr. Krueger's Christmas, Nora's Christmas Gift, and The Forgotten Carols.  The last one hit me like a ton in the stomach and I felt myself tearing up as Jeff McLean belted out the immortal words "Let Him In."  If I am struggling with the Christmas Spirit, it is because I have forgotten the whole point.  As the play continued (and please understand I have seen this play probably a hundred times), I found myself crying at the small things.  The Shepherd's testimony that "He was here!"  The amazing spirit behind, "I cannot find my way." And my all time favorite, "Arise and Shine Forth."  These may be the forgotten carols, but for me they are the ones that find a way into my heart and make it possible for me to remember the Christmas Spirit.