Confession

I'm not sure anyone still even reads this blog besides me and I'm not sure why I've gone so long without posting, but a lot of things in my life aren't what I wish they were so I guess the blog is just one of those things.  I titled this post confession because it's time I came clean with so many aspects of my life.  I am not the person I wish I were.  I'm struggling a lot with who I want to be.  You know the single me thought that if I got married everything would be awesome.  The realist me understands that that isn't real and not possible and silly.  I'm not unhappy in my marriage, lest any of you fear that this post is about that.  Overall I am happy and I am living the fairy tale and the life I always wanted to.  On the other hand, I am seriously lacking.  I've blogged before about all the ways I need to change so that I can be happy, but I am the queen of 30 second conversion moments that don't stick.  Here's the confessions:  I don't read my scriptures nearly often enough.  Praying is for some reason really hard for me.  I feel like all I do is work and sleep and start over.  My work is not fulfilling.  All it really is is a paycheck, and I'm so in debt it's barely covering stuff.  I'm not good at budgeting, not good at studying, not good at anything useful.  I am barely hanging on, and it's not okay.