Get Over It

Today marks the end of a ridiculously emotional weekend, that I can blame no one but myself for. I hope it also marks the end of these awesome personal blogs so that you and I can get back to funny things that happen in my life!! Oh well, at least my life isn't boring (haha)! As many of my readers know, I have been struggling with God's sense of humor and trying to figure it all out. I decided last night with the help of some friends and family, that I just needed to finally find out if seeing Tom in the temple meant something or if it was just pure dumb luck. I went back to the Salt Lake Temple on Saturday night, knowing full well that Tom would be there, just to test the waters. I still hadn't gotten an answer from the original question, as I was fairly distracted by seeing him, so I went back to ask again, and see if there was something different now that I was expecting seeing him. I did see and talk to him and it was enormously less awkward, so I sat in the Celestial Room for an hour or so, trying to be inspired. I didn't feel much and I wondered if I was asking the right question. I told my sis in law last night, that I wasn't sure if the question was about marriage in general or about Tom. Don't get me wrong...I wasn't sure if I even wanted to open that door again, but I didn't want to ignore a possible answer. I learned some other important things in the temple, though and Sunday was a continuation of worrying about it. Since I was still confused, I decided the best course of action would be to ask Tom if it meant anything. If you know me, you know that things like this scare me to death. I can have the conversation in my head, but write it down and push send?? That is just asking too much. I read back through my journal about our relationship and then decided to just bite the bullet. I wrote Tom an email describing why I had been in the temple in the first place and just why seeing him there 2 weeks ago rattled me so much. I asked him if he thought that timing had anything to do with it and went out there heart and soul exposed and ready to be destroyed. I woke up this morning and checked my email and sure enough there was a reply that basically thanked me for being honest, but also telling me that he didn't feel like going back was a good idea. I felt disappointedly relieved. One part of me thinks that it would be easy to pick up where we left off, but the sane part of me realizes that there is no way to pick up 6 years ago, and dust it off and end up with a different result. Tom and I have both changed and I know I'm not the same person so I can't expect that he is either. At the same time, it was really awesome to get some real closure on a relationship that ended badly so long ago. Tonight when I got off work, I read again through the journal that I kept during the time before, during, and after Tom and then decided it was time to put the journal back on the shelf and just get over it. Today I am not sorry I saw Tom in the temple and I feel better about him than I have in years. There is a really good chance I'll go back to the Salt Lake Temple and appreciate knowing that I am still waiting for the answer to the original question. At the end of Tom's email he said he felt that Heavenly Father has something for both of us that is perfectly suited to what we need... and I believe him.