Teaser

16 days...

8 months ago today I was barely thinking about Allen in the context of a potential boyfriend and today we're 16 days away from getting married!  Time has FLOWN!! I thought when we set our wedding date in January that 7 1/2 months was such a long time and now, I can't figure out where the time has gone. Not that I'm complaining because I so can't wait to be married to this amazing man, but I feel like I'm unprepared for all I have to do to be ready in 16 short days.  Realistically I'm mostly done with everything.  Allen has received his endowment, my dress is being picked up from the alteration place Thursday, the tuxedo has been ordered, and we both have shoes.  I have my bridals scheduled for Saturday, I've had 4 showers, the bachelorette party is tomorrow, and Allen's bachelor party is a week from Thursday.  His mom and family have been crazy busy getting the back yard ready for the reception, we've been to 3 different temples getting Allen somewhat used to the endowment ceremony because our Stake President said it was important for us to go often so he could see the progression between endowment and sealing. We're pretty much ready but I'm still worried I won't feel like I've done enough.  Is it possible for any bride to feel totally secure that her plans are solid and everything will go exactly according to plan?  I mean realistically it's already not going completely according to plan.  People who I wanted to invite are lost, people who I wanted to be in the temple with us won't be, family that lives far away won't be able to make the trip.  It's bittersweet because I realize that I don't need anyone but me and Allen and 2 witnesses and a sealer to make it happen, but it's hard when there are people you want to share with who can't make it.  On the other hand, Allen and I will be sealed for eternity.  That in and of itself makes everything completely and totally worth whatever we've put into it and I'm super excited for our future.

Engagement Pictures

We had decided to let my mom take our engagement pictures to save some money and also because she's a pretty decent photographer.  We had to do a Sunday afternoon because my mom works at a reception center and is in the midst of wedding season.  We chose to do them yesterday.  It was hot!!  It was not the greatest day to be out, but with summer only getting hotter we had little choice.  We got ready and headed out behind Mom and Dad's house which is on the Jordan River Parkway.  We didn't take a ton of shots, but we got ones that we really liked.  Here is a preview:

We've Decided on Eternity

It's no secret that Allen and I were planning on getting married in August.  It's also no secret to people who have been paying attention that we have most of the details of the wedding planned.  Many people have asked and wondered why we were moving forward when we weren't technically engaged and Allen would always answer that he'd decide when it would happen and at least he knew the answer to the question when he asked it.  A few months ago, he showed me the ring that he wanted to buy to make sure I would like it.  Last week he bought it and I knew he had and also that it was the wrong size.  He took it to get sized and we went and picked it up last Monday.  Knowing he'd been planning for a long time and knowing that he had the ring and it was sized, I was becoming a little (okay a lot) anxious.  I wanted my ring on my finger... his answer when I'd ask was always "I'll decide."  Last night we were having a conversation about it and it was slightly after midnight.  He asked when I wanted it and I said yesterday.  He told me it wouldn't be yesterday and it wouldn't be tomorrow.  I told him it was after midnight so that still left today.  He didn't say anything.  This morning he was off work and when I talked to him he said he was staying in bed because he was so tired.  I went to work, but left my cell phone, purse, and everything home.  At 12:30 one of my cooks handed me a note and said Allen said I was supposed to give you this at exactly 12:30.  I opened the note and it read, "About our plans, I kinda lied, Go to my dad's shop to find out why."  He had told me one of his friends was coming up today to play games with us, so I shouldn't make any plans.  I told him I wanted to go to the temple after work but I'd be home by like 4.  He agreed.  Little did I know....  I got off work at 1 and headed off to his dad's shop.  I walked in and his brother in law Jared handed me my cell phone, which Allen had gone to my house to get when he realized I hadn't taken it to work with me, and taken to the shop so I could do the next step.  Wrapped around my cell phone was a post- it note that read, "Your mom holds the key to your adventure.  Call her and go meet her to get what you need."  I called my mom and told her about the note and she told me she was at work till 6 so I could either wait, or come there.  I told her I'd be there in a half hour.  I drove out to Sandy and met her at work, showed her the note, and she handed me two small keys and told me to go visit Allen's grandma, the little one not the crazy one.  I smiled knowing exactly what was next and got in my car to drive to Kearns.  Now remember I've left the house purseless, and so I have no license, no wallet, nothing but my cell phone.  I had just over a quarter tank of gas and so I knew if I did much more running around I'd be in trouble, so I stopped at the bank and withdrew some money for emergency sake.  On my way out to Kearns, I stopped at McDonalds to get something to eat and drink because I'd started my day with a pop tart and that was all I had eaten.  I went to Grandma Carters house and she was just leaving, but I caught her and she tried desperately to remember the clue.  She knew it had something to do with a walk and a spot, but couldn't remember quite what she was supposed to say. She said "Don't tell him I forgot but he said you once walked from one temple to another and you have a spot.  Do you know what that means?  I hope I didn't tell you something I wasn't supposed to."  I assured her that I knew just where to go, thanked her, and left.  In 2011 when we did the temple walk with the youth, Sister Dalton encouraged us to find "our spot" on the Temple.  She told us to pick a spot and put our hands on it and then when we met our Eternal Companion to take him or her to that spot and put our hands together on that spot and tell them about our experience walking to the temple, and then when we had children to take them to that spot and put their hands on it and tell them about the experience.  A few months ago I had taken Allen to my "spot" and told him about it.  That's where he was waiting today.  On the southwest corner of the temple about chest high on one of the corners is my spot.  Allen was sitting on a bench and a box was sitting next to him.

 He asked me if I had what I needed and I pulled the keys out of my pocket and opened the box.  Inside I found this:

 Can I keep you has always been kind of a joke with us.  It's a line from Casper and it's something we say to each other all the time.  In this case though it was absolutely perfect and so so sweet.  I turned to him and said "Yes, you can keep me."  He then removed the ring from the box, got down on one knee, and said "Julianne, will you marry me" and slid the ring onto my finger.  Of course I said yes!

Sorry, there are no pictures of the actual engagement because his phone was dead and my camera was in my purse... at home.  After he asked me, we sat on the wall by the temple and talked about the journey and the surprise and I sat admiring my ring in the sun. A Temple Square hostess came walking by and said, "Oh she finally came."  After sitting for a few minutes Allen asked me if I wanted to go to Build a Bear.  I had mentioned a while back that I had never been there and I thought it would be a fun date.  We rode the train to the Gateway and walked in.  The lady asked what we were looking for specifically and I told her we needed a Bride and a Groom bear.  We told her we had just gotten engaged and she congratulated us and we went to find our bear.  I found one that had hearts on the ears and the feet in pink and blue so I got the pink and Allen got the blue.  We then picked a sound, mine makes kissing noises and his sings You don't know you're beautiful.  We stuffed them and "bathed" them and then went to find bride and groom outfits.  Mine came with a dress. garter, veil and bouquet, His with a tux where he could choose between bow tie and long tie.  We dressed them and then went to fill out their birth certificates and give them names.  Allen's alias is Sidshobob.  He uses it as his username, email address, Wii character, etc.  He was going to name his bear Sidshobob, but I had chosen to name mine Mrs. McDonald so he followed suit and named his Mr. McDonald.  

After Build a Bear, he offered to take me to dinner, so we went to the Olive Garden where we both ordered Ravioli that was AMAZING!  After dinner we decided to go to Arctic Circle, so Allen could fill up a mountain dew bottle and I could show off to my co workers.  On our way, I saw that it was 10 to 6 so I asked him if we could stop by the bank first, since they were about to close.  The bank is next door to Arctic, it's where all of my work deposits go and all of my accounts are there, so I'm pretty close with the 4 women who work there.  We walked in and I showed off the ring.  They heard the quick version of what happened and then we went to Arctic to show them.  We then came home so I could change out of work clothes and get my purse.  We then went to see my sister Kristina, his Aunt Jean, and his parents.  I was very impressed with my surprise.  I had a great day and I'm so happy that I soon get to be Mrs. McDonald. So for all of you that were worried about it being official, you can stop worrying.  We are legitimately engaged.  I'm so happy and I love Allen McDonald!!

Mothers Day 2013

Today for the first time in my entire life, I am not spending Mothers Day with my mom.  Today I have the opportunity to spend it with my future mother in law and the rest of Allen's family and as I thought about that I realized that I've been kind of spoiled to not have to choose sides for holidays.  Today it begins... today I have to start the great compromise that all married couples have to endure and start picking sides.  Because of that, I decided to do a little blog shout out to my mom.  Since I don't get to see her today and I don't have a card for her, I'm going to do it on cyberspace and hopefully she reads it.  My mom has been my best friend for a long time.  She is constantly watching out for me and making sure I'm making good decisions and living up to my full potential.  I know that raising me wasn't easy.  I was often referred to by a specific four letter word:  brat.  It's nice to know that some of that wore off and now we're buddies.  We do lots of things together.  In fact, I've been kind of spoiled because I got to be an "only child" for a few years after all my brothers and sisters were married.  My mom and I still hang out, we have season tickets to a theater, we get pedicures together, cook together.  Since Allen entered my world, I fear my mom got a little back burnered. Now when we hang out he is often invited so I'll stay longer.  I really don't want to lose my hang outs with mom so I have to learn how to balance the boy and the mom.  It's hard to do and I see her a lot less now than usual.  Anyway, I want her to know how much I love and appreciate all she does for me.  I want her to know that I'm sorry I'm not with her today, but that I'm thinking about her.  I want her to know that she means the world to me and I'm so grateful for our relationship and I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father let her be my mommy.  I love you, Mom!

Life goes on

It surprised me when I logged onto my blog today and saw that my last post was in February.  Where did March go?  I often complain that August is so far away but here I am losing entire months without even noticing.  I'm sure the few of you who actually read my blog are thinking you're missing out on something amazing, but really life has mostly returned back to normal, with the exception of this extra person who is always around.  That sounded a bit like complaining.  Let me assure you it is not.  We have settled into dating life almost as if we were married.  Allen and I literally spend every waking moment outside of work together.  I was reading my friend Nicole's blog today in fact and realizing that it's been awhile since I did that too and then realized that life is swallowing me.  I talked to someone a few weeks ago about cherishing the days, but I've never done that well, even before Allen.  I used to complain that my life was like the movie Groundhog Day.  I wake up every day and do the same things, and the only things that changed it were the mini crises at work.  Now I'm back to that, except that now when I get off work I don't come home alone and I get taken out on dates.  That part is pretty great, but I realized the other day that I'm not entirely happy.  Here I am in what should be the most exciting time of my life and I'm not nearly as happy as I feel like I should be.  I think what really happened, was I let some of the important things in my life slip (prayer, scriptures etc.) when Allen and I started dating and that's really backwards.  I should be doing that stuff more not less.  It occurred to me the other day that I tend to have a one focus brain.  I get really excited about something and that's what consumes my mind.  I can't multitask in life.  I'm pro at multitasking at work, but focusing on 6 things in life at once sends me into a seizure!   Right now my brain is consumed with my lover boy and so work, blog, scriptures, and all the other things I used to be pretty good at have taken a back seat.  I need to get back on track.  I need to not be so consumed.  I need to recapture what I had and then add Allen into it, or I'm going to continue to be unhappy in the midst of my greatest happiness.  Today is a jumping off point for me.  I'm going to attempt to be better, to be stronger, to be happier!!  Wish me luck!!

Busy busy busy

What do you get when you cross one very busy person with a boyfriend and a wedding to plan?  One VERY busy gal!!  We are feverishly trying to get everything planned and done and out of the way so that all of the rest of the 187 days till the wedding can be stress free (Ha ha, have you met me??) and it is crazy how much goes into this.  For those of you who feel like I've dropped off the face of the earth, you are correct!  Between work and wedding and spending time with my sweetie, I 'm not around much anymore.  It's funny to me how little time I have these days.  It's even funnier to me how little of that time I desire being away from Allen.  The time I have to spend at work is enough, thank you, to the point that when I'm not at work, it takes all my effort to want to be with anyone besides him.  My mom and I agreed in December that we'd get together every Wednesday and hang out and more often than not, Allen gets invited so I'll go.  It's all I can do to allow him time with his friends, which is only hard for them, because he also wants to be with me every chance we get.  We're that pathetic dating couple that wants to be left alone!!  Sorry everyone!  In the meantime, plans are coming along really well. Allen was ordained a priest 2 weeks ago and his Bishop is all about moving forward.  We are very happy and excited to continue on with our plans and have already made our appointment with the temple.  I spoke to my mission president who is a sealer at the Salt Lake Temple and he agreed to be there for us.  It's amazing to me how well everything is falling into place.  It's just another testimony to me that this is right.

Updates

So it's been a few weeks since that life changing event and it's still pretty much amazing!!  Every so often I have small panic moments when I wonder if I'm going to wake up and realize this whole thing was the best dream I've ever had, but so far the whole thing is legitimate.  Allen met with his bishop last week.  He could see a huge change in Allen, which is huge since his bishop is his across the back fence neighbor and knows Allen and his family pretty well.  He told Allen that if he came to church for the next few weeks he could be ordained as a priest, then if everything moves forward like the bishop figured it would, he could be ordained an elder by Stake Conference in June, and then they could set up the temple recommend interview.  We decided then that we would set the wedding date for August 29th as that would give us a couple of months for Allen to receive his endowment before we are sealed.  The engagement is unofficial... being as how he hasn't asked yet and the ring is in his possession, not mine.  People often ask if we're doing it a little backwards and Allen reassures them by saying that with the wedding date set, it just means that he knows what I'm going to say when he asks.  We are starting plans and I'm so excited that it is happening faster than we expected.  I can't wait to be Mrs. Allen McDonald!!  I've been trying to get my MRS degree for years!! I am super grateful for all the support we've gotten.  I'm super grateful for Skype, because without it Allen would have to wait till the wedding to meet some of my favorite family.  I'm grateful to be in an incredibly loving relationship.  This makes everything I've ever felt for anyone else seem artificial.  This is real eternal love and it's not going away and I've never been so happy with the way things are going.  My Heavenly Father is seriously blessing me.  He knew it all along, I needed to figure something out during this long wait, but here we are, and we are moving blissfully forward.  I love Allen McDonald!!  I love that I get to say that!  I love that I get to kiss him!  I love that we fit so perfectly together and I have absolutely no doubt about this thing at all!  I'm so unbelievably happy!!

In a Relationship

It's amazing how much one's life can change in a short amount of time.  3 weeks ago I would have never imagined the changes that have occurred in my life in the last week.  Needless to say, I have figured out something I've been praying for, for years.  I found my future husband.  I found the man that I am going to spend the rest of eternity with and let's be honest... I can't stop smiling.  Let me tell you all what happened.  In December of last year, we hired a new cook at work named Allen.  He was close to my age, drank, smoked, and had been previously married.  I never looked at him as anything besides a coworker.  Each morning we would open together and since that affords you about two hours of time together we just talked about whatever was going on in our lives.  Fast forward about 9 months.  Allen had been put in charge of the training program at work and I was going to train him as a supervisor.  One Saturday morning, he failed to come to a training meeting and I thought that was pretty strange since he'd always been very punctual.  When he didn't show up for work, I knew something was wrong.  The Allen I knew didn't do that.  Pretty early after opening one of his friends came in and I asked him if he knew where Allen was.  He explained to me that Allen had gotten arrested the night before coming out of the bar.  I couldn't believe it.  I knew Allen had an interesting past, but he'd been doing so well and had even expressed to me how careful he was being to not go back to jail.  A few hours later, Allen's parents came in to talk to me.  They explained to me that Allen was hoping to keep his job and that they were sorry this had to happen and his mom cried a little and told me he was doing so well, she couldn't understand why.  The way it turned out though jail was the best thing that ever happened to Allen.  About 3 weeks after this, I received a letter addressed to everyone at Arctic Circle.  He explained how sorry he was that he was in jail and not with us, but that he would like to have some pen pals and would people please write him.  He also specifically asked for me and a girl named Kira to write, as he had important things to talk about with us both.  We went to the post office to get the necessary post cards and I sent off a letter that mostly talked about work and how much we missed him there, and didn't really say anything personal.  A few days later I got a letter explaining that jail was good for him because he was quitting drinking and smoking.  He was also reading the scriptures, and going to church.  He asked me to send some of my favorite scriptures.  I sent him a list of scriptures that had to do with mercy, and repentance, and encouraged him to continue on the path to change.  In the next few months (he was in jail about 3 months) we exchanged letters, and before long he was working at a food pantry and earning a little bit of money that he could buy phone cards with, so he called a few times.  I was always happy to talk to him, but still didn't think much of it.  He was set to get released on December 17, and about the beginning of December I started to wonder about my feelings for him.  As I analyzed how I felt in quiet moments, I realized that I no longer just thought of him as one of the cooks.  I started to have moments when I would wonder what it would be like to hold his hand or be held by him.  At first these feelings kind of panicked me.  Relationships are not allowed at work and I knew we'd be breaking some serious rules if I entered into such a relationship.  Also, with Allen's past being what it was I wasn't sure I could forgive him or  work out our differences.  On Sunday December 9, I was sitting in sacrament meeting where the youth speaker gave a talk about forgiveness, the next speaker talked about the prodigal son, and the last speaker spoke on charity.  I felt like each one was talking directly to me about Allen.  I wrote an entry in my journal describing my feelings, and I wondered if Allen felt anything for me.  In my mind there was nothing worse than discovering you have feelings that you don't really want about somebody only to have them not return your feelings.   I wasn't sure how to bring it up, so I waited for him to get out of jail.  On December 15, he called work and I was so excited to talk to him, but then as we talked I started feeling dejected because we didn't talk about anything personal.  The morning of the 17th I was a mess.  I didn't know what I would say or do but I had a lot of ideas in my head about how I thought it should go.  Shortly before 10, he knocked on the window and as I went to let him in I shot him a giant smile.  I opened the door and while holding the door with my foot, launched myself into his arms.  I found out later that it took him by surprise because we had never really had any physical contact.  His first words were, "Honey, I'm home!"  The rest of the day was kind of awkward.  I had ideas about what I wanted to happen but had no idea how to approach it.  Two weeks passed, and while I never really expressed my feelings, I think we both knew that something had changed.  On December 29, we were working together and I was talking to him.  I made this joke about him being my boyfriend and then laughed it off and immediately went to the office to text my friend Aubrey (who knew before he was out of jail that I liked him) and told her what I had said.  She told me to tell him that it wasn't a joke and I told her maybe I'd do it by text that night.  When I got home from work, I was trying to decide if I should tell him that I was only half joking and so I texted Aubrey again and she told me to flip a coin to decide whether or not to tell him.  Heads I send the message, tails I don't.  I grabbed a dime out of my change and threw it in the air.  It came down on tails, and my first thought was "No one flips a dime, you dummy.  If you really want this to work you need to flip a quarter."  So I went into my kitchen to find a quarter.  I flipped the quarter and got heads.  As I stared at that coin, I thought to myself, "Do or die."  I typed a quick message that read "Confession:  I was only half joking about the boyfriend thing."  I stared at it briefly and then hit send.  As I watched that message go away I was panic stricken.  What had I just done?  I then immediately texted Aubrey and told her I had done it.  Not too long passed when I received a text back from Allen that said "I know."  I was stunned!  I asked him what that meant and he asked what company policy was.  I told him it wasn't allowed but we could hide it.  He then asked if I wanted to try.  I told him I did want to try, because I was feeling very differently about him and wanted to know if it was something.  He had told me a few letters back that he wanted to be my personal genie and grant me three wishes and so now he asked me if this was one of my wishes.  I told him this probably equaled all three and he said he would only count it for one since this was something he wanted as well.  I told him we needed to talk about this face to face and we decided that we'd get together Sunday and talk about it.  From that moment on our text conversations got a lot more personal and I was overwhelmed, freaking out, and basically Butterflies had taken up habitation in my stomach.  I went to dinner that night with a friend and could hardly eat, let alone concentrate on anything going on around me.  In fact we had gotten together for the sole purpose of exchanging Christmas presents and I'd forgotten hers completely.  When I was driving home, my sister in law Nicole called and asked what was new so I told her.  It was weird to talk about it when it was so new, but I was pretty excited about the prospects of what was happening.  Later that night, I was on the phone with Aubrey and he sent me a text that said "did you go to sleep without saying good night?"  I assured him I hadn't and that I was just talking to Aubrey on the phone.  A little later I texted him that I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore so it was probably time to say goodnight.  He texted "sweet dreams, sleep with your angels and think of me."  I texted back "I've been thinking of you for weeks" to which he replied "Ditto Kiddo."  The butterflies went crazy again and between the cough that I've had since the middle of December and the butterflies, I think I got a total of about 3 hours of sleep that night.  Sunday he sent me a text wishing me a good morning and then we texted throughout the day.  He asked about church, told me he was bored at the birthday party he had to go to and was begging people to leave early.  He told me he'd probably be at my house around 10 and asked if that was too late and I told him I didn't care, because I couldn't wait another day to have this conversation.  He convinced his family to leave early so arrived at my house around 9:15.  Earlier he had asked me what was going to happen.  I told him we definitely had to talk, I would love to repeat the hug I got when he got out of jail, and whatever else happened happened.  When he got to my house, he knocked softly and I ran to the door.  When I opened it and he stepped in I gave him the hug I'd been craving and then kissed him.  Later we talked about who kissed who and he said I did it and I said he did it, but either way I think we both wanted it.  The next day I admitted to being the one who kissed him.  I'd been imagining it for weeks.  We sat down and the first thing I told him was that regardless his intentions, I was getting married in the temple.  He said he knew that and then said, "No offense, but I'm not going to the temple for you."  I told him I'd be offended if that was the reason he wanted to change his life and he absolutely had to do it for himself, not for me.  I then asked him how long he saw this going for, and he said, "I'm too old to start anything I'm not in for the long haul."  I agreed.  We talked about a lot of things that night.  We began delving into his past.  We asked a lot of questions.  We kissed some more.  I told him I wanted to be kissed at midnight on New Years Eve.  He asked me where I'd be.  I told him I'd be home in time.  He left pretty late that night and again I didn't sleep very well.  He wasn't working Monday but he told me he'd come in.  It was kind of hard, because we weren't telling people.  After work I went to my Grandma's house for our New Year's Eve party where I proceeded to tell my parents and grandma about him.  He texted me around 9:30 asking where I was and I told him I was at my grandmas and asked if he wanted me to leave and he said yes.  I left immediately and went home.  We met at my house and talked for 2 hours until just before midnight.  I turned on New Years Rockin' Eve and about a minute before midnight he started kissing me.  I pulled away and told him that I wanted to wait til midnight and he said he had to get 2012's kisses in.  About 20 seconds before the ball dropped I pulled back and we counted down from 10 seconds and then kissed again.  The next few days we decided we shouldn't keep the secret anymore so I called my boss to tell him and he told me Allen would have to be transferred, but that we could have a month to a month and a half so that he could train the cooks to replace him (he's really good at his job!) .  After Scott knew we decided to tell people at work.  We were met by looks of disbelief.  Almost no one took us seriously.  When I told my assistant manager that I had to transfer Allen because I was dating him she didn't believe me.  I called him into the office to tell her and he full on kissed me.  She freaked, my other supervisor shouted "I knew it!"  That night we made it Facebook official and people still didn't believe me.  We have spent time everyday since then together.  We've been out to dinner with friends and relatives, he's met my parents, we've been to his house and my nephew's birthday party.  The next Sunday we went to church together where I was grilled by the Bishop.  I told him I had never been more sure of anything in my life and I was going to marry Allen.  He told me he couldn't argue with that and assured me he was there if I needed anything.  We are now in the process of figuring out when Allen will be able to qualify for a temple recommend because that's the next stop.  We've been together less than 2 weeks and I've never been so happy.  I've never received a stronger answer to a prayer and I know that he's a changed person and I know that we will be together forever.  It's not going to be easy.  There are a lot of issues that need to be dealt with, but I've forgiven his past.  I love him more deeply than I've ever loved anyone.  We've talked about everything and anything and I know he is my Eternal Companion and that we will live and love forever.  That's really all that matters anyway and I'm really excited to get started!